It has been hard today. Here we are exploring gorgeous Laos and all I can think of is having a drink. It is really becoming obvious to me – the when and why I would drink. Well that is not to say I didn’t just drink for the heck of it, because I did. But what I am talking about is today I was uncomfortable physically and all I thought about was having a drink. I won’t have a drink but this entire afternoon I have felt like I need something… ice cream, chocolate, soft drink, chips….. my body doesn’t know what it wants. Last week I had no appetite, this week I want to eat continually. I enjoy an ice-cream cone but felt like I could have eaten four of them! Feels a little nuts.
On a brighter side I’m still the sober sailor and today in Laos we had a look at some ancient stone jars. The history of these jars is not 100% known. Very interesting.
Plain Of Jars, Phonsavan, Laos
Plain Of Jars, Phonsavan, Laos
I have gotten through a few bad days and still have not had a drink! I’m feeling stronger again. I have stopped thinking about how I can drink if I just stick to one or two drinks (which I cannot do) or how I will just drink in social situations (which will end in embarrassment). I am back on track. I know I can never drink again.
We went of for dinner last night with a couple we have met here in Chiang Mai. After dinner we sat in a bar and listened to a band. I would be lying if I said it was easy, because it wasn’t and I was ready to go home about two hours before everyone else. And when they finished their drinks I would say to hubby time to go home and before you knew someone else had a drink and then everyone had a drink and I was waiting for people to finish again. I finally got home at 00:45.
BUT the best thing is I managed it with out succumbing to drink. It is not easy being sober when everyone else is getting tipsy. I am still a bit quiet and find it hard to converse with people sometimes because I am used to having a few drinks to remove my inhibitions!
Our journey takes us onward and upwards tomorrow. We have a bus ride to Chiang Khong near the border of Laos and then on the 10th we are doing a two day boat trip to Luang Prabang in Laos. Looking forward to seeing Laos! Here is a few snaps from the Chiang Mai area in Thailand.
The view from our coffee/tea stop on the way to Mae Hong Son
A monk at the temple.
Fry bugs for sale – yummy snack?
One of the intricate temples in Chiang Mai Old Town
We rode a scooter to Pai and Mae Hong Son. We did the round trip in four days. In the high mountains we rode through the clouds!
This is my second day of intense pain and I have come very close to giving in and having a drink. Nothing I do can get rid of the pain – Anti-inflammatories, Panadol, Panadine Fort (1000mg paracetamol + 60 mg codeine) and valium. I know if I added a glass or two of red wine to the paracetamol I could probably relax. Yesterday, if I had had some wine close at hand, I would have succumbed. Again today I have been at that point. Thankfully I do not have any alcohol nearby and I have been able to get through it; past the point of giving in.
I have also began to think that I can have one drink and then go back to not drinking. I know that is not true and I have to keep reminding myself. For now I have to go and writhe in agony on my bed and feel sorry for myself. I hope it has past by tomorrow.
Does, or did, anyone have trouble sleeping when they gave up alcohol?
I spend hours awake with my mind going a hundred miles an hour. I needed a good night sleep so I knocked myself out with an antihistamine last night. It worked.
Lying there awake is not as bad as it use to be. In the not so distant pass, when I got really drunk I would wake up a few hours later and not be able to sleep because my head was killing me, I was so thirsty, I was trying to remember the night before and I was saying to myself never again!
How many nights have I lay in bed berating myself, hating myself – my weakness. How many times have been curled up dreading the next day and promising myself I will give up that very day… unless i need a “hair-of-the-dog” to get through the day….. just one.
How many times have I promptly forgotten the consequences the next time a bottle of red wine in opened? Too many times!
So if I have a few sleepless nights now I suppose it doesn’t really matter.. I can lie there and think about how well I am doing. I can tick off another day sober. I can reiterate the reasons for giving up and benefits I will receive from my efforts.
Day 6 down… the rest of my life to go. Life is going to be great!