I suppose it will never end!

It has been hard today. Here we are exploring gorgeous Laos and all I can think of is having a drink. It is really becoming obvious to me – the when and why I would drink. Well that is not to say I didn’t just drink for the heck of it, because I did. But what I am talking about is today I was uncomfortable physically and all I thought about was having a drink. I won’t have a drink but this entire afternoon I have felt like I need something… ice cream, chocolate, soft drink, chips….. my body doesn’t know what it wants. Last week I had no appetite, this week I want to eat continually.  I enjoy an ice-cream cone but felt like I could have eaten four of them! Feels a little nuts.

On a brighter side I’m still the sober sailor and today in Laos we had a look at some ancient stone jars. The history of these jars is not 100% known. Very interesting.

Feeling stronger!

I have gotten through a few bad days and still have not had a drink! I’m feeling stronger again. I have stopped thinking about how I can drink if I just stick to one or two drinks (which I cannot do) or how I will just drink in social situations (which will end in embarrassment). I am back on track. I know I can never drink again.

We went of for dinner last night with a couple we have met here in Chiang Mai. After dinner we sat in a bar and listened to a band. I would be lying if I said it was easy, because it wasn’t and I was ready to go home about two hours before everyone else. And when they finished their drinks I would say to hubby time to go home and before you knew someone else had a drink and then everyone had a drink and I was waiting for people to finish again. I finally got home at 00:45.

BUT the best thing is I managed it with out succumbing to drink. It is not easy being sober when everyone else is getting tipsy. I am still a bit quiet and find it hard to converse with people sometimes because I am used to having a few drinks to remove my inhibitions!

Our journey takes us onward and upwards tomorrow. We have a bus ride to Chiang Khong near the border of Laos and then on the 10th we are doing a two day boat trip to Luang Prabang in Laos. Looking forward to seeing Laos! Here is a few snaps from the Chiang Mai area in Thailand.

Pain and Alcohol

This is my second day of intense pain and I have come very close to giving in and having a drink. Nothing I do can get rid of the pain – Anti-inflammatories, Panadol, Panadine Fort (1000mg paracetamol + 60 mg codeine) and valium. I know if I added a glass or two of red wine to the paracetamol I could probably relax. Yesterday, if I had had some wine close at hand, I would have succumbed. Again today I have been at that point. Thankfully I do not have any alcohol nearby and I have been able to get through it; past the point of giving in.

I have also began to think that I can have one drink and then go back to not drinking. I know that is not true and I have to keep reminding myself. For now I have to go and writhe in agony on my bed and feel sorry for myself. I hope it has past by tomorrow.

Can’t Sleep

Does, or did, anyone have trouble sleeping when they gave up alcohol?

I spend hours awake with my mind going a hundred miles an hour. I needed a good night sleep so I knocked myself out with an antihistamine last night. It worked.

Lying there awake is not as bad as it use to be. In the not so distant pass, when I got really drunk I would wake up a few hours later and not be able to sleep because my head was killing me, I was so thirsty, I was trying to remember the night before and I was saying to myself never again!

How many nights have I lay in bed berating myself, hating myself – my weakness. How many times have been curled up dreading the next day and promising myself I will give up that very day… unless i need a “hair-of-the-dog” to get through the day….. just one.

How many times have I promptly forgotten the consequences the next time a bottle of red wine in opened? Too many times!

So if I have a few sleepless nights now I suppose it doesn’t really matter.. I can lie there and think about how well I am doing. I can tick off another day sober. I can reiterate the reasons for giving up and benefits I will receive from my efforts.

Day 6 down… the rest of my life to go. Life is going to be great!