No need to tell you where I have been as I’m sure you can all guess. But I will tell you anyway. I fell off the wagon and lost my way. I’ve been stumbling round for nearly a year now, trying to get back on that wagon. Yesterday I did, and I finally feel I will achieve sobriety again.
So what happened? After five months sober I simply thought I was able to have one drink now and then. In the beginning I could. I’d have one and it would be days, some times a week or so, before I wanted another one. But it quickly crept up to being a drink or two everyday. It swiftly went from there drinking in excess daily.
Three times this year I have tried jumping on that wagon and each time I only held on to it for 1 week. I suppose I just wasn’t ready. I am now, I can feel it.
I’ll tell you something. I have never been as bad with the alcohol as I have in this last seven months. I have simple not been able to handle alcohol at all…. one day last week I did manage not to wipe myself out. That was the first time in about a month.
My poor husband has seen me get smashing drunk almost every night for the last two months – drunk to the stage I fall asleep, can’t walk, can’t talk – but keep trying to.
My body just doesn’t seem like it can metabolise the alcohol quick enough anymore. Two drinks and I am already at the stage where I will not make rational decisions. Like maybe I’ve had enough to drink? Or nobody else is going another drink but I will anyway!
I fell last week in the cockpit of the boat when we had people over. I don’t even remember leaving the restaurant and it took two people to walk me back to the boat. When we arrived back at the boat I pulled out the tequila, rum and probably half a dozen other spirits. I then proceeded to throw back straight tequilas until I finally fell off my perch bruising my nose, lip, arm, thigh and knee in the process. I’m lucky I didn’t knock my teeth out. I’m still sore even though the bruising has gone and I think I’ll have a lump in my lower lip to remind myself of that night for a long time to come.
Anyway, so the sober sailor is back. Day two today…. and you know something, I didn’t even once have a craving for alcohol yesterday. I know it will happen and happen a lot, but I will be prepared. Maybe I will just feel the lump on my lip and think about how easy it would be to accidentally kill my self when drunk, or maybe I will just have to remember my husbands words which went something like this…. “it is breaking my heart to see you like this every night.”
Cheers me matey!